Listening to* Damaged, Shayne Ward.
*Apologize, Timbaland.

uh oh. i just had a sumptuous breakfast! hahaha. so much food. if i eat like that everyday im gonna become one big fat pig. (^oo^) oink oink. hahaha i cooked for my family, basic stuff. made half-boiled eggs and fried sunny-side-up. and for myself i had omelette, made up of 2 eggs, an onion, 2 prawns. lol. and had a mug of iced-milo. then had a large bowl of honey-stars dunked in rich chocolate milk. how sinful is that. hahahaha. so much carbo and protein. and cholesterol! from the prawn. hahaha just a whole lot of calories spent on a SINGLE breakfast. oops. i would be a happy girl if i could eat like that everyday. hahaha!! anyway my mum said she wants to go down to pulau ubin to check out my dad's new club. My sister bought him the membership there as a christmas gift so we wanna take a look. hopefully we can go down, and maybe ride a bike around the island cos im feeling guilty about the feast i just had. hahaha. wanna go ice-skating soooon!!! lols. amy is loaning me her skates so i get to look really cool on ice. lols.


need to pack my room! its been messy since before i went down to kulai for the resort trip. i didnt mention that yeah? haha we (me, dad, mum, 3rd sis+bro-in-law+niece+maid) went to a resort in kulai (somewhere north of 2nd Link checkpoint) and spent a relaxing weekend there. saturday afternoon went in and played golf at the driving range. i managed to get my swing correct despite it being my 3rd time playing in my entire life. haha. furthest i got the ball was around slightly further off 100m. so proud of myself!! ;DD then went for dinner at restaurant somewhere off the resort. and we bought some more fast food back to the resort. heard of marrybrown? yeah love their fried chicken! cant believe we ate so much. then made up for it cos sunday after breakfast me, dad, sis and maid went biking. had 4bikes free for an hour so we explored the golf course. i started off behind cos im unstable on a bike, but i ended up leading the troop after that cos the rest were old bones and slow-pokes.hehe. after that we went to watch people at the golf course tee-ing off at first hole. quite cool. then after returning the bikes me and sis went for a dip/swim in the pool. cos we biked with costumes inside. haha. then after swimming went back to the resort room to dip in the jacuzzi tub available in the room toilet. cool huh! haha then kinda went off from there after we all finished showering off and packing up. so shiok right. golf, bike, swim. ;DDD

sigh this cny red packets as usual quite little. maybe a little over 200 only. saving up desperately to get my new MP3. cos mine is spoiling, the earpiece was long gone and the replacement is also spoiling. and really, 512mb might have been enough in sec 3 but not anymore. looking to get an 8GB iPod Nano PINK. hahaha. so hopefully i can get it soooooon! :D yay. jiayou jiayou jiayou. got almost 300 already. nano costs 350 in singapore but im asking dajie-fu to get from japan so its definitely cheaper, plus he has the "education discount". so YEEAH!. hahaha

anyway CONGRATS SINGAPORE, we DID IT! we got the bid for YOG 2010! :D i cant begin to describe how ecstatic i am. the atmosphere was almost TOO tense at the padang that night when 7pm struck. there was all the hand-squeezing and finger-crossing. i was so scared i couldnt let go of my dance partner's hand, fingers-interlinked. and we shared a tight-squeeze-lift-me-off-the-ground kinda hug after they annouunced "city of singapore" and all the claps cheers screams jumps were done. it was really really great. thanks, raynald for the great time at the padang. even when the rehearsal was supposed to be boring, it was made fun by having a buddy to spot cars with. yup. didnt know of anyone else who loved cars as much as i do. usually people dont know much about cars. oh didnt know ray was the #21 that i used to curse whenever 22 wasnt on the pitch and he was there instead. haha! =X anyway yup. roller-coaster of emotions when we're in holding room cos so nervous before performing, then so nervous about the announcment of results then the relief flooding thru when singapore got it. haha. oh oh the best part was ZINGO! hahaha the zingo drummers are ultra cool. i likkkkkkkkke. hahaha the guys were topless. and they were so shuai! hahaha as in the action when they drummed. wooh. call me, zingo. HAHA. aiights then. this post is getting tooooo lengthy im almost certain im gonna get complaints already. hehe. just needed to rant cos ive been pretty upset lately and writing all this helps me reflect and relax. honestly, composing prose (regardless what kind) is really therapeutic. works every time for me.


DATES* anyone wanna go sentosa? anyone wanna go ice-skating? im very very interested in these 2 just about now. so call me kay. ;DD

Labels: #21, #22, adventure, countdowns, ice-skating, jj, sentosa, slack, stress, student leaders

mmmm. promos. the all-scary thing that people cower and shiver at the mention of. hahaha and its finally arrived. in style, might i add. the day it all started, a nice beautiful storm raged just over jurong junior college. wonder if thats an omen. if so, good or bad? rain/water doesnt necessarily have to have negative connotations.. maybe the rain was washing away all stupidity in us so that we'll do exceptionally well.. anyway anyway.. cut the nonsense..

GP was okaaaay i guess. thanks to sid's promotional conversation.. =D all the stuff we chatted about were fulfilled prophecies.. and the one i prepared.. i had 4vs2 points.. hope that one goes well.. the passage was okaaay, but application question kinda sucked.. lack of time to concretely argue my points.. and had no idea how to format my answer.. lol..

chinese.. what am i supposed to say?! hahaha.. its the slackest subject ever available.. and the reason so many ppl do so well for it easily is becos its just giveaway subject ok.. u dont have to mug for it, just need to use some chinese in ur daily life and voila! there u go, ur chinese is a B.. hahaha and then make some effort to read more and write more, learn better phrases and there u go, ur A.. mmm helps if u are a melodramatic person who can come up with lovely plots for the oh-so-silly essays that we are still expected to write.. lolol.. my chinese paper was average.. im confident i will pass.. xD who cares about acing it..

physics- its scary cos ive counted 30m in an 80m total that is blank for paper 2.. and in paper 1 the last 6qns are anyhow shade, plus peppered thru the paper i know there are stuff i cant do.. but the only consolation is that i only need 44m out of the 140 total to pass my physics.. thats 30%, becos previously my grade is C already.. so hopefully after the 30m+12m minused.. i still have the about 90m out of 140m thats more or less in-tact.. then at least i would guarantee the one H1 pass here.. =X

papers: 3/6.
torture of the month; day: 1/7.
days to freedom: 6
days to iceskating with waynum/jacinda: 6
days to sentosa with michele/huiyi/weixian: 7


wheeeeeeeee. i cant wait. though it seems as though the 1st 2 count-ups are =/-ly horrid, the last few countdowns are pheeeeeeew. hahaha.. xD take care everybody and mug hard.. just a little bit more to go.. we shall all get thru this thing ok.. this fucked-up thing called PROMOTIONAL EXAMINATIONS, YEAR 1 STUDENTS, JURONG JUNIOR COLLEGE. 0_x

Labels: chinese, countdowns, depressed, gp, promos, sidhu, stress

just for fun colourgenics 26sept 1346.



Presently, you are trying to break away from a situation that is causing you considerable worry and concern. Things are getting on top of you and you are feeling depressed almost to breaking point. Obviously there must be a way out - but at this time the solution seems to be escaping you. You want to 'get away from it all' and as a consequence you appear to be sullen and introverted and refuse to get involved in any discussion or arguments which could aggravate the situation. Accept the fact that 'as you feel - so your body will respond' and 'pretend' to the world about you that everything is going beautifully as, if you act as if 'all is going well' everything will, whether you believe it or not, work out as you would like it to.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You are fed up with other people trying to influence you and you also feel that it is necessary to protect yourself from the threat that your independence and freedom may be restricted. You would just like to be left alone.







toodles; off to mug physics. promos in 18hrs.

Labels: colourgenics, depressed, promos, stress

mmm.. this time things ARE looking better.. i hope i can get over it.. haha..




You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.











to be honest, im feeling really lonely right now. i cant stand it anymore! waiting for the right person to come along.. but im afraid of all my shadows from the past.. im so afraid i cant get over the barrier of myself even if i get to meet the right person.. thats been the stumbling block for all my past relationships.. my own barriers. sigh.

Labels: colourgenics, depressed, emo basket case, loneliness, sick, stress

hmm.. uhh oh! spent the weeknd slacking my ass off.. this totally sucks la.. rahhh.. still cant seem to get down to proper studying for promos.. grrrh. my math is in total shambles and so is my chem! imagine to pass chemistry i need 80%?! hahaha.. better start working hard starting tmr onwards! becos theres an integration test tmr morning bright and early which i am DEFINITELY WITHOUT DOUBT going to fail.. argh..


i shall start studying hard for promos. i must make sure i pass at least my 2 stronger H2 and all my H1 topics.. grhhh..
i shall start saving money. by the time i turn eighteen i must save enough money to see me thru my driving lessons.. i wanna be able to drive by 19.. as long as they dont change the laws i must learn driving fast! save up now for the lessons later. mmmhmm.. must must must save! ;DD


i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. ;DDD






p/s im not over my emo phase, im just covering it up.. and im trying to solve things really really slowly.. bring my confidence back, bring my dignity back, fight for happiness. im strong, i can do this. its unlike me to give up. so i must fight on. i still love everybody.

Labels: depressed, emo basket case, overspending, promos, save money, slack, stress, tests

this test was just taken at 2246h, 13sept. thur night.. feeling mixed-up and lost but i feel the test results show whatever im feeling very very accurately. thats why ive trusted the test for so many times already. this is about the 4th or 5th time im taking it..


COLOURGENICS 130907 2246H
It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.






i sooo need time to sort myself out. and now is just the wrong time, plus i dont need more things added on to my dilemmas and longing. grrrh. i dont know what to say anymore. feeling more lonely than ever in my entire life.. surrounded by friends still, but i dont feel as much connection anymore.. that deep unspoken bond im supposed to have had with michele- seems like i have no idea how to tell her my deepest things anymore.. me and baoxian- i dont know, we're just like this crazy, have-fun couple but somehow we've never spoken about deepest secrets and perhaps as seen in my test results im just finding it hard to trust anyone, even my most trustable friends.. i dont mean to keep stuff, im just feeling really lost and i cant express myself.. ive always been able to express myself i guess, but somehow its been AGES since i could truly truly express my feelings.. somethings made me feel inferior and i cant even figure it out myself.. i dont know, i only know im a lost sheep right now.. and i dont know who can help me, except maybe God? but i guess i just really need to give myself to Him.. i admit i been neglecting my relationship with god in search of superficial ones.. i need some encouragement i guess, but i find it hard to let my defences down to anyone.. and seriously i probably just need time to sort it all out.. i know this post is super naggy and probably nobody wants to hear about this sob-story, but i just need an outlet to rant this. ignore if its just annoying kay. x(




take care everyone.. i hope i pull thru with promos in couple of weeks and my messed up heart.. pray for me and my well-being, and for me to patch things with my family and let it heal properly as well.. just to nag a bit more, my family thinks i dont care about them and with my self-centredness i think i appear to be callous towards them.. but i really pray for more understanding between us.. yupp..




pray for me!

Labels: alone, baoxian, depressed, emo basket case, God, michele, stress

ponned sch to get some sleep, only to realise my stupid eom has to be done by tues only at night. hence lack of sleep once again. how fucked up is that. screw eom. screw pw. screw moe for introducing pw.





off to bed, au revoir~

Labels: pw, stress

oooh kays.

post-chase oikos-
whee-hee.. was late for meeting liangyi at clementi macs by about half hr.. then we went zion market to "eat".. well, he ate and i snacked on my favourite sea coconut with nata de coco.. ;DD then went to gr8 world zara to do some rounds.. and then mac cafe for liangyi to study and me to stone as usual..took jheng's renault van to victoria's house.. were the earlier ones to arrive.. shortly after we settled down at the bbq area the whole bunch came together suddenly.. haha.. me and jheng went up to victoria's house to pick up the margarine/brush.. and jheng taught me some drumming along the way! xD so exciting.. haha but my coordination kinda sucks.. hahas.. first tip: "disconnect" legs and arms.. haha.. now working on the drumming beat he taught me.. hahaha.. and he couldnt teach me anymore cos they were wondering why the margarine was taking so long.. ;DD listened to ningjie's testimony again.. and once again am supremely amazed by God.. but was spoilt by those stupid guys sitting behind.. super anti-climax idiots.. had a okay nice time, thou it wasnt the same without lindy qiaozhen jasmine jacquelynn there.. had fun playing soccer-monkey and volleyball with the guys.. haha.. jim taught me some soccer tricks.. xP fun stuff.. then jheng drove me to tpy stadium for OD..

OH-DEE

woah. when i stepped into tpy stadium i was kinda lost.. no idea what to do, where to find anyone, where to put my stuff, how to get my official pass and my od shirt.. then orientated myself in the midst of dropping jaws [amazed by my new hair].. hahaha.. and then there was the dry-runs and briefings and everything for publicity segment which was a huge part.. then i went to water point to help out.. filled cups, poured water and opened newater bottles.. had fun playing with water but when nobody wanted water i got bored and sat on the chair.. then eyelids drooped, falling into instant slp.. haha.. nobody woke me up la.. slept about hour plus or two.. haha then whole morning was kinda busy.. and so HOT! had to wear jeans cos i dealt with staging.. then walked a few rounds while i could.. afternoon i took over arthur to deal with stage coordination.. had the talkie with me for a period of time.. that was cool, calling ppl so easily.. haha.. then walked a few rounds beside jason, pushing 2 disabled uncles.. had fun chit-chatting with them.. went around accompanying jason on his duties.. haha.. he taught me a lil canto.. so fun.. (: then just sat at the grandstand watching performances.. kept falling aslp, esp during black glamour's performance cos they're so soothing.. decided not to be mean and went to nerve centre and slpt there.. tiil it was time to go back.. desperately needed to shower so i just used face towel to dry my body after rinsing water.. x) then went back with yiqian.. od can be considered a success i guess.. even though i think the goal of 100,000 rounds wasnt met but at least the event went smoothly.. that itself was great.. and the support of the J2s was tremendous.. haha saw paul! that mr. rono fellow.. hahaha.. he ran for relay.. glad we pulled thru.. ;DD i love the oh-dee team! esp my buddies from log/prog.. seem to be much closer to them than to publicity ppl.. like jingkai wenjie clarence weiling ruth.. thankyou guys for putting in all the effort.. wouldnt have been possible without any single of one u all..

Labels: busy, chase 07, God, jj, OD2007, stress, student leaders, youths

hmm tues was boring and uneventful.. OD crisis! ppl arent signing up for motivator roles. and then we need backup plans and all that.. sigh.. whatever la. that thing is stressing me up more than it shld.. lols.. hmm.. had fun spying on zane and huifern though.. they were happily "studying" together.. hahaha.. we stayed till 8pm.. haha..



wed.. training! wheee.. was supposed to be something cheerful to look forward to.. however EVERYONE in supersix was pms-y.. except for me.. hahaha.. well misunderstandings but those cleared up.. thank God.. anw we did so many sweeps my butt is aching and i have 5 bruises on my right knee.. and we played match with these 3 senior guys on the opposing.. the ex capt, kenneth and clement (>.< eww).. kenneth was quite nice cos he tried teaching me.. i was complaining that i cant trap ball.. haha he showed me, not knowing what i meant was actually i cant gauge the distance.. haha.. like, the positioning of the ball.. hahaha.. hmm and super funny was that jenmey kept smacking clement aka carrot all over.. and make him lose ball by pressure, etc.. hahaha.. i was haaving so much fun! watching that happen.. haha..

after that just went market to snack on stuff with vic.. then home.. haha.. hope the rest of my week will be alright.. not too many heartattacks..


looking forward to post-chase oikos and olympic dream.. ;DD

Labels: chase 07, czb, hockey, overspending, stress, supersix, svh, youths

today was not bad.. lessons were boring as usual.. but went for movie and dinner with supersix after school.. we didnt wait for fok cos he had to be quarantined after A's oral.. he joined us after he was done.. watched die hard 4.0 and it was so exciting! yet scary at some parts la.. its kinda the perfect movie to watch with ur bf or a close guy friend if u havent got one.. haha.. adrenalin rush made me squeeze huifern's arm.. hahaa..

so anyway thot i would have to chiong home after the movie and ended up mum was in town and dad was nearby home having coffee.. so mum kinda said if i wanna have dinner just go home by 8pm, anything later than that i save my own skin shld i get into any trouble.. heres the best part.. i told her by 8.30, and i reached home 8.20.. then shortly after i had time to open the windows and on the lights, dad got home. phew! thank GOD man! talk about good timings yeah.. thank God i had the mind to decide to switch buses for once.. instead of 154 i took 30 and walked back.. and i was given just enough time to make me look like i've been home for a long while already.. hahaha.. thank God..


anw hockey tmr!! so exciting.. haha, hopefully i can make it for dinner with supersix tmr.. okays time to slp..

talking about progress report, haha how beautiful art thou, my grades. an Ultimate for chemistry, Excellent for math, Superb for Econs.. then B for GP, C for physics and Excellent for chinese.. =X horrible right.. failed 2.. hahaha.. feeling the stress yet?


oh my stupid nasal passageways are so blocked i cant hear and yet i cant blow the gross mucus out. HELP~!

au revoir~

ps 2 days to CHASE 07!! hope michele and jennifer can join us.. baobao is going! xD

Labels: chase 07, czb, hockey, michele, outing, overspending, sick, stress, supersix, svh, training

oooooh. 4 days left to CHASE 07! im excited. go visit! sounds like fun.. hopefully i wont encounter any difficulties in going. but as west 2 will tell me, God will make a way and they will pray for me. haha..

meanwhile sch sucks.. must catch up! shit the workload. and hockey supposed to be THE reason i go to sch, but even that has become suckier with HUIFERN going on about essence of fok, which totally irks me. she knoes it thats why shes doing it even more! its like, completely baseless and it could spoil a perfect friendship. within the clique bert has vic and zane has huifern. me and bryan are absolutely innocent folks who just want a group of friends! is it that hard? whatever..




au revoir, im sleepy.


4 days! CHASE 07

Labels: busy, chase 07, hockey, stress, training, youths

school has been so stressful!

Labels: stress