this test was just taken at 2246h, 13sept. thur night.. feeling mixed-up and lost but i feel the test results show whatever im feeling very very accurately. thats why ive trusted the test for so many times already. this is about the 4th or 5th time im taking it..


COLOURGENICS 130907 2246H
It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.






i sooo need time to sort myself out. and now is just the wrong time, plus i dont need more things added on to my dilemmas and longing. grrrh. i dont know what to say anymore. feeling more lonely than ever in my entire life.. surrounded by friends still, but i dont feel as much connection anymore.. that deep unspoken bond im supposed to have had with michele- seems like i have no idea how to tell her my deepest things anymore.. me and baoxian- i dont know, we're just like this crazy, have-fun couple but somehow we've never spoken about deepest secrets and perhaps as seen in my test results im just finding it hard to trust anyone, even my most trustable friends.. i dont mean to keep stuff, im just feeling really lost and i cant express myself.. ive always been able to express myself i guess, but somehow its been AGES since i could truly truly express my feelings.. somethings made me feel inferior and i cant even figure it out myself.. i dont know, i only know im a lost sheep right now.. and i dont know who can help me, except maybe God? but i guess i just really need to give myself to Him.. i admit i been neglecting my relationship with god in search of superficial ones.. i need some encouragement i guess, but i find it hard to let my defences down to anyone.. and seriously i probably just need time to sort it all out.. i know this post is super naggy and probably nobody wants to hear about this sob-story, but i just need an outlet to rant this. ignore if its just annoying kay. x(




take care everyone.. i hope i pull thru with promos in couple of weeks and my messed up heart.. pray for me and my well-being, and for me to patch things with my family and let it heal properly as well.. just to nag a bit more, my family thinks i dont care about them and with my self-centredness i think i appear to be callous towards them.. but i really pray for more understanding between us.. yupp..




pray for me!

Labels: alone, baoxian, depressed, emo basket case, God, michele, stress

oooh kays.

post-chase oikos-
whee-hee.. was late for meeting liangyi at clementi macs by about half hr.. then we went zion market to "eat".. well, he ate and i snacked on my favourite sea coconut with nata de coco.. ;DD then went to gr8 world zara to do some rounds.. and then mac cafe for liangyi to study and me to stone as usual..took jheng's renault van to victoria's house.. were the earlier ones to arrive.. shortly after we settled down at the bbq area the whole bunch came together suddenly.. haha.. me and jheng went up to victoria's house to pick up the margarine/brush.. and jheng taught me some drumming along the way! xD so exciting.. haha but my coordination kinda sucks.. hahas.. first tip: "disconnect" legs and arms.. haha.. now working on the drumming beat he taught me.. hahaha.. and he couldnt teach me anymore cos they were wondering why the margarine was taking so long.. ;DD listened to ningjie's testimony again.. and once again am supremely amazed by God.. but was spoilt by those stupid guys sitting behind.. super anti-climax idiots.. had a okay nice time, thou it wasnt the same without lindy qiaozhen jasmine jacquelynn there.. had fun playing soccer-monkey and volleyball with the guys.. haha.. jim taught me some soccer tricks.. xP fun stuff.. then jheng drove me to tpy stadium for OD..

OH-DEE

woah. when i stepped into tpy stadium i was kinda lost.. no idea what to do, where to find anyone, where to put my stuff, how to get my official pass and my od shirt.. then orientated myself in the midst of dropping jaws [amazed by my new hair].. hahaha.. and then there was the dry-runs and briefings and everything for publicity segment which was a huge part.. then i went to water point to help out.. filled cups, poured water and opened newater bottles.. had fun playing with water but when nobody wanted water i got bored and sat on the chair.. then eyelids drooped, falling into instant slp.. haha.. nobody woke me up la.. slept about hour plus or two.. haha then whole morning was kinda busy.. and so HOT! had to wear jeans cos i dealt with staging.. then walked a few rounds while i could.. afternoon i took over arthur to deal with stage coordination.. had the talkie with me for a period of time.. that was cool, calling ppl so easily.. haha.. then walked a few rounds beside jason, pushing 2 disabled uncles.. had fun chit-chatting with them.. went around accompanying jason on his duties.. haha.. he taught me a lil canto.. so fun.. (: then just sat at the grandstand watching performances.. kept falling aslp, esp during black glamour's performance cos they're so soothing.. decided not to be mean and went to nerve centre and slpt there.. tiil it was time to go back.. desperately needed to shower so i just used face towel to dry my body after rinsing water.. x) then went back with yiqian.. od can be considered a success i guess.. even though i think the goal of 100,000 rounds wasnt met but at least the event went smoothly.. that itself was great.. and the support of the J2s was tremendous.. haha saw paul! that mr. rono fellow.. hahaha.. he ran for relay.. glad we pulled thru.. ;DD i love the oh-dee team! esp my buddies from log/prog.. seem to be much closer to them than to publicity ppl.. like jingkai wenjie clarence weiling ruth.. thankyou guys for putting in all the effort.. wouldnt have been possible without any single of one u all..

Labels: busy, chase 07, God, jj, OD2007, stress, student leaders, youths

thur i took my A lvl mt oral.. ooooh.. i was so afraid cos i havent been speaking chinese in a long while.. then i said a little prayer to god while awaiting the death call.. and just kept my mind free of other things.. before the exam started, my examiner being reali nice, came up to talk to us and discuss the JJ E-Gaming shop and how theres this shop in tg katong that sells gaming stuff reali cheap and etc.. just to break the tension.. then when i was called up to prepare the passage beforehand, the passage turned out to be thankfully easy to read.. pretty much like some secondary school text.. after that, the conversation topic was a breeze and i think i managed to bring my point across not too bad in nice chinese.. (: went quite well i guess.. thank God.. its by God's grace and mercy that i should breeze thru this mother tongue oral exam.. God carried me thru.. really.. xD


friday-

sidhu didnt come, so the class was released 1230hrs.. super slack.. half of them went meiji choc factory but i couldnt make it cos i was desperate to cut hair.. BUT of course i got one of them to help me buy some things.. ;DD anw so i went bt batok to cut hair with mum.. and in the spur of the moment i decided to go crazy and cut my hair boystyle.. now its super rockin' cool.. i can spike my hair up!! hahaha.. then chionged back JJ for hockey..

sat-

no more OD meetings! wheeee.. morning went sch to meet yufeng for owens comm.. house comm need to make a short film for nat'l day inter-house comm competition.. therefore started thinking of story ideas.. went JP after that with yufeng to help mummy pay bills.. and yufeng took a back view of my hair.. xDD im still waiting for the pic so i can put it up on friendster.. hahaha.. then went home and slacked online and ate brunch.. going to meet up with liangyi soon but wanna check mum's okay.. im like late alr la!! lols.. okok.. gotta fly..





ciao~

Labels: 07S35, busy, friendster, God, hockey, jj, OD2007, outing, owens comm meeting, sidhu, slack, training

this morning, i didnt go for LTS nor service.. kinda barred.. so i slept longer, then woke up to buy breakfast.. asked for permission to go chase over breakfast and was granted provisional permission.. that i pack my room and it passes the QC inspection.. haha and so off i went to meet lindy. realised it was already super late, i decided to cab over.. but since no cabs were coming i was getting frantic. the next available cab that came along i just flagged and boarded.. and voila! its a limo cab. wtshit right? i just realised it was when i noticed how comfortable the seat was and how cold the aircon was.. and that the meter read $3.00 right from the start!! it was a skoda cab.. anyway total cab fare was $15.70. most expensive cab-ride in my whole life.. anyway we ate subway on the go, and only to realise that tecman was closed. sigh.. anw we realised it was getting late, therefore we headed down to bishan alr..


chase was amazing!! really.. the dance was not too bad, but just okay. normal. and the skit was nice! and the pastor was great.. he was quite funny.. reali cool.. when they ministered the song "so you would come", i kinda felt this surge of faith and trust.. perhaps in God.. and i knew i had to respond when they called for souls to be saved..

hence, I ACCEPTED CHRIST AS LORD ON THIS DAY, 080707, AT CHASE 07- HARVESTER AOG YOUTH RALLY.


arent u guys glad for me and proud of me? i think its a big step, but i just felt ready to take the plunge.. now i just need to pray for God to strengthen my faith in Him.. ;DD i might have accepted Him, but whoever said the road ahead will be easy? theres so much i need to knoe.. and so much to learn.. im sure with God's grace i will do just fine.. churchmates all ask why i suddenly chose that day to say the sinner's prayer.. i cant answer that now, cos i dont knoe. it was just a "its that day! thats why!" kinda thing.. becos it felt like i had to.. i just had to.. maybe someday i will be able to answer that.. imagine how i used to think im just too scared and not ready for any of this, to shut myself from anyone telling me about God, to just shy away from it all.. now im ready. prepare my spiritual-being to live my life for You, Lord.

Labels: chase 07, God, overspending, sunday service, youths