mmm.. this time things ARE looking better.. i hope i can get over it.. haha..




You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.











to be honest, im feeling really lonely right now. i cant stand it anymore! waiting for the right person to come along.. but im afraid of all my shadows from the past.. im so afraid i cant get over the barrier of myself even if i get to meet the right person.. thats been the stumbling block for all my past relationships.. my own barriers. sigh.

Labels: colourgenics, depressed, emo basket case, loneliness, sick, stress

hmm.. uhh oh! spent the weeknd slacking my ass off.. this totally sucks la.. rahhh.. still cant seem to get down to proper studying for promos.. grrrh. my math is in total shambles and so is my chem! imagine to pass chemistry i need 80%?! hahaha.. better start working hard starting tmr onwards! becos theres an integration test tmr morning bright and early which i am DEFINITELY WITHOUT DOUBT going to fail.. argh..


i shall start studying hard for promos. i must make sure i pass at least my 2 stronger H2 and all my H1 topics.. grhhh..
i shall start saving money. by the time i turn eighteen i must save enough money to see me thru my driving lessons.. i wanna be able to drive by 19.. as long as they dont change the laws i must learn driving fast! save up now for the lessons later. mmmhmm.. must must must save! ;DD


i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. i shall study hard. i shall save money. ;DDD






p/s im not over my emo phase, im just covering it up.. and im trying to solve things really really slowly.. bring my confidence back, bring my dignity back, fight for happiness. im strong, i can do this. its unlike me to give up. so i must fight on. i still love everybody.

Labels: depressed, emo basket case, overspending, promos, save money, slack, stress, tests

mmm.. went for lantern festival thingy... could have gone free, but i paid 5 bucks to take just the lantern, some candles and a lightstick. sigh. made a new discovery- lly and iymy are like ahem ahem ahem.. :D thats way cool la.. anyway me seb nic L jinyi loonyuan isabella went for walk around, and went to tennis courts to talk and play a little.. mmmhmm.. had fun i guess. its been a long time since ive done anything with a group of ctss 4A1-ers.. kinda miss them, but its good enough to have once in a whiles.. =] anyway i suspect im starting to feel better already, cos my test results are showing more positive stuff than before.. mm.. look at what they have to say this time..


COLOURGENICS TEST, 14TH SEPT 07 2324H.

You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.

You are finding the present situation extremely demanding and you're having difficulty coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and you would really like everyone and everything to leave you alone for a while, just so that you can put everything into perspective.

You feel unhappy because you feel that you are not able to obtain the co-operation of those around you. All you would like at this time would be to achieve harmony within your circle.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!





mmm. looks better already no? uh huh. can start looking forward to forming meaningful relationships with humans. ;DD
p/s: HAPPY EIGHTEENTH ANDRE AND HAPPY TWENTY-FIRST JEMIE! ;DD

Labels: birthdays, colourgenics, depressed, emo basket case, jj, lantern fest, overspending

this test was just taken at 2246h, 13sept. thur night.. feeling mixed-up and lost but i feel the test results show whatever im feeling very very accurately. thats why ive trusted the test for so many times already. this is about the 4th or 5th time im taking it..


COLOURGENICS 130907 2246H
It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.






i sooo need time to sort myself out. and now is just the wrong time, plus i dont need more things added on to my dilemmas and longing. grrrh. i dont know what to say anymore. feeling more lonely than ever in my entire life.. surrounded by friends still, but i dont feel as much connection anymore.. that deep unspoken bond im supposed to have had with michele- seems like i have no idea how to tell her my deepest things anymore.. me and baoxian- i dont know, we're just like this crazy, have-fun couple but somehow we've never spoken about deepest secrets and perhaps as seen in my test results im just finding it hard to trust anyone, even my most trustable friends.. i dont mean to keep stuff, im just feeling really lost and i cant express myself.. ive always been able to express myself i guess, but somehow its been AGES since i could truly truly express my feelings.. somethings made me feel inferior and i cant even figure it out myself.. i dont know, i only know im a lost sheep right now.. and i dont know who can help me, except maybe God? but i guess i just really need to give myself to Him.. i admit i been neglecting my relationship with god in search of superficial ones.. i need some encouragement i guess, but i find it hard to let my defences down to anyone.. and seriously i probably just need time to sort it all out.. i know this post is super naggy and probably nobody wants to hear about this sob-story, but i just need an outlet to rant this. ignore if its just annoying kay. x(




take care everyone.. i hope i pull thru with promos in couple of weeks and my messed up heart.. pray for me and my well-being, and for me to patch things with my family and let it heal properly as well.. just to nag a bit more, my family thinks i dont care about them and with my self-centredness i think i appear to be callous towards them.. but i really pray for more understanding between us.. yupp..




pray for me!

Labels: alone, baoxian, depressed, emo basket case, God, michele, stress

been feeling rather emo-ish.. dont know how to explain or describe.. but i think i know the reason behind my emo-ness.. haha.. maybe the super highness is just a facade? maybe im just really really sad? it probably all falls under the heading "emotional".. just have a tonne of things in my mind with nobody i really trust to tell everything.. sometimes i feel like i am unable to completely let go and trust ppl.. maybe ive always been too guillible, trusting too much in ppl that i get bluffed too much.. discovered this colorgenics test on a friend's blog, and been doing it just to test my emotions at different various times.. i think its quite true at every time i take it.. the colours i choose are different according to my mood.. heres my current one..

COLOURGENICS TEST
You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Being impulsive and irritable, your desires and needs are paramount. You do things with insufficient thought - with little regard to the consequences that may follow. As a consequence of this attitude, you may be experiencing stress and conflict.

You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.






no idea, but i feel horrible in any case. toodles, gonna wallow in emotions.

Labels: emo basket case